Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
