I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
