let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
