New invention idea: vibrating tampons
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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