you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
