I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
