ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
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