i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
