I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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