I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
