I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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