I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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