it wasn't lemon gatorade
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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