he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
