Nicole vs. Life
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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