I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
