Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
