just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
