he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
and you fell through a lawn chair
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