i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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