You work out of a Hotel?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
