the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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