Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
