non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
