why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
