Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
