If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
