4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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