I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
