my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
