tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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