You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
