Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
