You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
