did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
