just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
