I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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