I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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