she was so not down for the gang bang
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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