hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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