She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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