is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
