I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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