I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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