tell your sister to shave her snatch
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
