i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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