Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
