we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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