I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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