I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
