He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
