She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Randomize
